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Air Crew write ups

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  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Panama City, Florida, Hurricane Alley
Air Crew write ups
Posted by berny13 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 12:08 PM
Through many years of working in aircraft maintenance on fighter aircraft, I have seen some really stupid entries made by aircrews. Here are just a few that I can remember. They may not be worded as the original, but you will get the picture. The remarks after the write ups are my own and not the corrective action that would be put in the aircraft forms.

"Can not shoot straight." At least he's honest.

"Helmet visor dirty." That's personnel equipment, not aircraft systems.

"Excessive static between head sets." Maybe he should get his brain discharged.

Student pilot with aircraft loaded with inert (non-explosive) MK-82's. "Bombs failed to explode on impact."

"Might have lost something in cockpit, but could have left it in ops or even at home." Look in ops and at home. If you still can't find it we will look for something in the cockpit.

Aircraft on an FCF (test flight) for rudder flutter. "System checked good. No malfunction noted, but still doesn't feel right and needs to be fixed."

"Gun stopped firing on last strafing pass." I sure hope so.

"As reported in flight by wingman, back up lights do not work." Was he in reverse? How about the stoplights?

My favorite. Ubon, Thailand, 1968, as written in my aircraft forms. "Lost AIM-7 in-flight, causing collision between missile and MIG-17, resulting in catastropic loss of missile and enemy aircraft."

Big Smile [:D]Big Smile [:D]Big Smile [:D]Big Smile [:D]Big Smile [:D]

Berny

 Phormer Phantom Phixer

On the bench

TF-102A Delta Dagger, 32nd FIS, 54-1370, 1/48 scale. Monogram Pro Modeler with C&H conversion.  

Revell F-4E Phantom II 33rd TFW, 58th TFS, 69-260, 1/32 scale. 

Tamiya F-4D Phantom II, 13th TFS, 66-8711, 1/32 scale.  F-4 Phantom Group Build. 

 

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Zanesville, OH USA
Posted by coldwar68 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 12:16 PM
I sure hope that the pilot was not reprimanded for the loss of the AIM-7 Big Smile [:D]

Jerry

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Jack Handy

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Panama City, Florida, Hurricane Alley
Posted by berny13 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 12:43 PM
coldwar68. He sure was. About two months later he was promoted from Lt. to Capt. Cool [8D]

Berny

 Phormer Phantom Phixer

On the bench

TF-102A Delta Dagger, 32nd FIS, 54-1370, 1/48 scale. Monogram Pro Modeler with C&H conversion.  

Revell F-4E Phantom II 33rd TFW, 58th TFS, 69-260, 1/32 scale. 

Tamiya F-4D Phantom II, 13th TFS, 66-8711, 1/32 scale.  F-4 Phantom Group Build. 

 

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Zanesville, OH USA
Posted by coldwar68 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 1:55 PM
Poor guy...such a punishment for an innocent mistake. Big Smile [:D] I guess it could have been worse. They could have made him send a letter of apology and pay for it in cash!

Jerry

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Jack Handy

  • Member since
    November 2005
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:20 PM
When I was at Bristow Helicopters we used to refer to it as 'Cyclic to Collective Flexible Joint Interconnection Deficiency'.

These days we call it 'Finger Trouble'!

They bend em, we mend em,

Rob M.
  • Member since
    December 2002
  • From: Oak Harbor, WA
Posted by Kolja94 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 8:10 PM
LOL berny - took me just a second to cage my brain when you mentioned the promotion from Lt. to Captain. Where I come from, that's one hell of a promotion!!!

Here's one from last cruise. The XO actually griped the relief tube as being too short. One of the JO pilots did an aircrew sign off: "Relief tube perfect length"

We notice that certain members of our ready room write very similar gripes on the ECM and nav systems over and over again. We grumble to each other that we suspect a failure of the "organic actuator"

Karl

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Panama City, Florida, Hurricane Alley
Posted by berny13 on Thursday, May 29, 2003 8:36 PM
QUOTE: Originally posted by Kolja94

LOL berny - took me just a second to cage my brain when you mentioned the promotion from Lt. to Captain. Where I come from, that's one hell of a promotion!!!




When I was stationed in Okinawa, I over heard two young boys talking. One boy said his dad had been in the Air Force only four years and was a Capt. The other boy replied that the other boy's dad must be smart because his dad was in the Navy over 15 years and had just made Capt. Tongue [:P]

Berny

 Phormer Phantom Phixer

On the bench

TF-102A Delta Dagger, 32nd FIS, 54-1370, 1/48 scale. Monogram Pro Modeler with C&H conversion.  

Revell F-4E Phantom II 33rd TFW, 58th TFS, 69-260, 1/32 scale. 

Tamiya F-4D Phantom II, 13th TFS, 66-8711, 1/32 scale.  F-4 Phantom Group Build. 

 

  • Member since
    November 2005
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, May 29, 2003 9:00 PM
When I was a crew chief at Edwards AFB, I had a pilot write up in the 781's that "the left rudder pedal was 1 1/2 times harder to push than the right pedal". Really? And when, sir, was the last time you had your leg precision calibrated??

AFIntel (TSgt USAF)
  • Member since
    November 2005
Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, May 29, 2003 9:13 PM
I had a fine Army aviator inform me that the Transponder did not work in the O-F-F position. My reply was..."Its not supposed to!"

I had a standard corrective action for stupid pilot squaks that were not there..."brief inspection revealed faulty YOKE ACTUATOR, replaced and ops checked good." It took a while for the flyboys to realize that they were the yoke actuators.Tongue [:P]

#1MLG brakes getting thin...#1 MLG brakes told to eat a sandwhich.

These are some that I've seen on the internet:

#3 engine missing...after a brief search engine was found under right wing.

right inboard tire almost worn...almost changed right inboard tire.

airplane flying funny...airplane advised to get serious, straighten up and fly right.

dead bugs on windshield...live bugs on back order

there are a bunch more that I can't remember.

Darren



  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Zanesville, OH USA
Posted by coldwar68 on Friday, May 30, 2003 8:11 AM
That is pretty funny. It took me a little while to realize that a Captain in the Navy was not just another "everyday" rank, just never really paid any attention to Navy rank structure.

No offense to anybody, but it always seemed that "butter-bars", 1st Lieutentants and Majors had some major attitude and Captains, Lt. Cols, and "Bird" Cols were always pretty cool to deal with.

Jerry



When I was stationed in Okinawa, I over heard two young boys talking. One boy said his dad had been in the Air Force only four years and was a Capt. The other boy replied that the other boy's dad must be smart because his dad was in the Navy over 15 years and had just made Capt. Tongue [:P]

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Jack Handy

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Copley, Ohio
Posted by wayne baker on Friday, May 30, 2003 12:00 PM
Wish my gripe was as funny as some of the others. New Years day test hop the crew blew a main hyd. line. They kept using all the systems and pumped the reservoir down. They put in the 4 or so gal. that they had in reserve, and blew that overboard. When that was gone, they put petroleum based engine oil in the mineral based hyd. sys. instead of using the manual backup systems. We put 640 gals. of hyd. fluid through the system to try to flush it, at $4 a gal. Luckily I rotated from Okinawa before the seals started going bad and everything had to be replaced.

Semper Fi

 I may get so drunk, I have to crawl home. But dammit, I'll crawl like a Marine.

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Panama City, Florida, Hurricane Alley
Posted by berny13 on Friday, May 30, 2003 2:48 PM
Jerry.

I found that most rated pilots in combat ready units were very good. I always thought they were AOK. It was the non rated officers that gave me the most problems (ie, Maintenance Officers). Also IP's and student pilots at training bases (Homestead AFB, Fl, 1980-82 and George AFB, CA, 1985-88). Send a man through basic flight school and make him an officer and he thinks he knows everything. Most would not take advise from a SRNCO much less an enlisted man. I was a SMSgt (E-8) and some showed me no respect at all. By the time graduation came around though, most were converted, when they discovered we had the power to make or break them.

Berny

 Phormer Phantom Phixer

On the bench

TF-102A Delta Dagger, 32nd FIS, 54-1370, 1/48 scale. Monogram Pro Modeler with C&H conversion.  

Revell F-4E Phantom II 33rd TFW, 58th TFS, 69-260, 1/32 scale. 

Tamiya F-4D Phantom II, 13th TFS, 66-8711, 1/32 scale.  F-4 Phantom Group Build. 

 

  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Zanesville, OH USA
Posted by coldwar68 on Friday, May 30, 2003 4:00 PM
Berny,

It is good to know that they would change their attitudes.

I got some sound advice from senior NCO's while I was in...unfortunately, a lot of the time, I was not old enough to realize it. Big Smile [:D]

I was communications and ran into a lot Lt's that were a real problem. Most of the pilots that I run into were around the Capt. rank and were really cool to deal with. I don't want to make everybody think that I think that all of those officers were "bad", that has just been my experience with many that I had to deal with. Oh yeah, I think that most of the officers that I am referring to would have had a problem even blowing their nose...let alone flying. If I knew one was like that I would just stear clear of them. Big Smile [:D]

Jerry

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Jack Handy

  • Member since
    November 2005
Posted by Anonymous on Friday, May 30, 2003 4:07 PM
I recall having an arguement as a young Hangar Rat, with my Chief Eng, who was in the process of fitting Chromed piston rings to an engine which had Chrome plated Cylinder bores.

I told him what would happen, but would he listen to a wet behind the ears 16 year old?

It's amazing how the sound of friction welded metal can focus your attention on something someone told you a few hours before!

I'm glad to say my debating skills have improved somewhat since then.

Cheers,

Rob M.
  • Member since
    November 2005
Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, June 7, 2003 6:42 AM
Im an ex Navy maintainer on Australian Sea King's, one of our senior, and very experienced pilots wrote a defect on a helo after 1 sortie as the captains seat cushion was too hard. We swapped it with seat cushion from the left hand seat & promptly watched the pilot take to the skies in the left hand seat with the same cushion under his behind with no defects reported at the sorties end.

Fly Navy
  • Member since
    January 2003
  • From: Washington State
Posted by leemitcheltree on Saturday, June 7, 2003 8:55 PM
I worked for Qantas for nearly nine years, and we all got handed a joke type memo on "squawks" from pilots to the ground engs and their replies - these were supposed to be real answers from the engs as the squawks were either spurious or inexpertly articulated by the pilots - here's a few that I can recall ......
1. No. 1 engine missing.
ans: No. 1 engine found on outer port wing after brief search.....
2. Auto-landing rough
ans: Aircraft not fitted with auto-landing equipment
3. Something loose in cockpit
ans: Something tightened in cockpit
4. Evedence of hydraulic oil leak in outer starboard landing gear
ans: Evidence of hydraulic oil leak removed
5. Anti collision radar hums
ans: Anti collision radar re-programmed with the words
6. Dead bugs on windcreen
ans: Live bugs on back order
7. Tire on port main gear almost needs replacing
ans: Tire on port main gear almost replaced
8. Co-pilot headphone volume excessively loud
ans: Co-pilot headphone volume tested - suggest co-pilot uses the installed feature (called a volume control knob) to alter said volume
9. Radar unit acting funny
ans: Radar unit given a stern talking to and told to straighten up and fly right

There were a few others but I can't remember them............
cheers
LeeTree
Cheers, LeeTree Remember, Safety Fast!!!
  • Member since
    February 2003
  • From: Panama City, Florida, Hurricane Alley
Posted by berny13 on Monday, June 23, 2003 7:16 PM
My oldest son told me about this one. The outfit he is assigned to has C-130's and during the war in Iraq they were flying as air borne tankers for choppers. The in flight refueling is refered to as "Passing Gas". On one mission the pilot had this entry in the 781 forms. "After passing gas a foul odor was detected on the flight deck".

Berny

 Phormer Phantom Phixer

On the bench

TF-102A Delta Dagger, 32nd FIS, 54-1370, 1/48 scale. Monogram Pro Modeler with C&H conversion.  

Revell F-4E Phantom II 33rd TFW, 58th TFS, 69-260, 1/32 scale. 

Tamiya F-4D Phantom II, 13th TFS, 66-8711, 1/32 scale.  F-4 Phantom Group Build. 

 

  • Member since
    May 2003
  • From: USA, GA
Posted by erush on Monday, June 23, 2003 8:55 PM
Berny13,

Just remember the rules of war when you run into those particular officers that rub everyone the wrong way.

During wartime The Marine commander stands in front of his enlisted troops, tells them they're going to storm the beach at dawn and rousts them with a harty "Give 'em heck Marines !!"

Tha Army commander tells his enlisted troops they're jumping in behind enemy lines in the morning and rousts them with a harty "Give 'em heck Rangers!!"

The Navy commander lines his enlisted troops on the dock, tells them they're going to sea in the morning to fight the enemy and rousts them with a harty "Give 'em heck Sailors!!"

The Air Force commander lines his enlisted troops on the flight line, tells them they're going to war to bomb the enemy and as he climbs the bording ladder to his plane the troops salute and roust him with a harty "Give 'em heck Sir!!!!"Big Smile [:D]

Gawd I love the Air Force!!

One day those officers will realize they work for usBig Smile [:D]

Eric
Hi, I'm Eric and I'm a Modelholic too. I think I have PE poisioning.     "Friendly fire...isn't"

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