Thank you all for reading, and for your wonderful posts. Weepy Baby died. She died while fighting for her last breath as she looked at me as if I should do something, but I couldn't! I could not save my baby!! 
She was the light of my life, and the center of attention any time someone came over to my house. Now she's gone forever, and so is the light of my heart, not just my life. My heart hurts as if someone is beathing it with a sledgehammer. It hurts to breathe! I woke from a horrible nightmare this morning to a horribble nightmare that now won't ever end! I can't stop thinking about her, and she is all I think about. She wasn't just a kitten, or an animal she was an extension of my soul. We didn't teach her to raise her paw up and down real fast; she did that on her own. She was a once in eternity type personality that you won't ever see in any person, or animal!
Weepy came along in a time that was, and is now once again desolate. Don't get me wrong, but I do love the other kittens and their parents, but it's not the same as Weepy was. She was so tiny fragile, and dependent on us for everything as she could do nothing for herself. She had such a wonderful, and sweet disposition - just so patient, and forgiving. She would get big eyes when she was eating. She would move her head around the small saucer that we fed her from lapping up the tiny unmixed clumps of formula that would lay at the bottom. It was wonderful watching her. She would watch the other kittens play, and would pat them when she wanted their attention. Sadly enough they would ignore her at first, but later warmed up to her. Last night the other kittens, and the mommy were looking for Weepy. They knew that she wasn't around. This morning it's the same thing - they all keep looking for her. What's sad is that yesterday my mother took an eyebrow brush and some baby shampoo trying to get rid of the fleas that were crawling all over her! We tried Frontline plus before the mommy got pregnant, but that was useless. Now we're going to use the apple cider vinegar, and soap solution to get rid of the rest of the fleas. The only insult other than her fighting for her last breath is that she had these goddamned fleas the entire time she lived! She didn't deserve that! She was just too small to put anything on her without making her sick. She was so patient, except for the times when I fed her if I wasn't fast enough, or I didn't get up fast enough to put her on the couch with me. She was quite the character despite her physical deficiencies. She was so loving, so gentle, and when I would pet her she would stretch out her legs, and arms and put her head up and puuurrr. She was so happy, and when I grabbed her paw monday thinking she would die then, she squeezed my thumb as to say "It's OK, I know that you love me - I'm still here". How sweet and wonderful is that? I don't if I can take much more of this life. I've lived for 42 years, and I've never known a love like this before - and I never will again.
Weepy wasn't just special physically since her hips were deformed so she couldn't really crawl up the furniture, but she got around, but she was her own little person. Sometimes she would crawl up my arm to me when she was on the couch as she did saturday morning to lay on my arm which was up at an angle. She actually clawed the furniture for the first time ever to do it. Then she crawled up futher to lay on my shoulder. Don't think that she didn't remember doing this when she was a baby, as she did when I first fell in love with her. Just as soon as she could walk (backwards) I would pick her up, and cradle her in my arms. I would sing to her, and tell her how wonderfully cute she was. She would lay on my chest and sleep, or sometimes she would even lay between the chair back, and my neck. I would cover her with my beard to keep her warm whenever she would lay on my arm, or my chest. Everyone doted on her, especially me. I treated her like a queen. Every morning when I got up I would check to see if she was hungry - I would ask her that, and she would come up to me nonchalantly after coming out of her Kitty Cottage, and stretch out one of her tiny legs, and put her paw up as to say "Yes, I'm hungry". She would stretch out her leg right before she would go back into her Kitty Cottage for the night. She could understand what I was saying even though I couldn't actually talk to her like you normally would another person. We communicated with small gestures, and sounds. This too was part of her personality. You can't clone it, teach it, or fake it!
She would stand with her legs behind her at an angle since she was so delicate, and didn't have a lot of strength. She was so sweet even when she was going poop! She would arch herself up on her front paws as she was pushing so hard to go sometimes that I felt sorry for her. Once we had to take her to the vet to get rid of a blockage in her intestines. This was from making the formula too thick (per the directions) so we watered it down. This would be the beginning of her troubles since we didn't use TWO tablespoons of formula to four tablespoons of water which as supposed to be for a kitten of her size (6 Oz.)! We didn't know it at the time, but the formula we were giving her was only for temporary use - she need a much higher protien content than it could afford. She was starved for nutrition. However, she wouldn't eat very much at one time. It would be the beginning of the end. She would stand on the rug in between the kitchen and the hallway, and close her eyes. She did this when she had the obstruction, and had been doing it for the last month even though she wasn't suffering from the same condition.I knew that something was wrong, but I just didn't know what. I figured that she wouldn't live very long - I just didn't know how much longer, nor was I prepared for the end! I wish we had taken her to the vet then, but she was always so thin. It was hard to tell that she was dehydrating, so I would give her more to drink throughout the day, but it was only in small amounts. This was just recently when it started to get hotter outside, so I made the formula room tempreature instead of warm. I figured that she was just thirsty! When she started to sleep a lot we should've known then that she wasn't feeling well. It's impossible to tell exactly what truly killed her, but her brain didn't develop as the other kittens did, so she didn't eat anything with meat in it = NO PROTIEN! What this means is that she wouldn't gain weight. The formula that we gave her was only meant to sustain life until weaned. Nonetheless she wouldn't eat anything else!
All in all though I never got mad at her even when she would run between my feet to get my attention when I didn't notice her on the floor in front of me resulting in her being accidentally scooted along as I could't pick up my feet for the shuffling I was forced to do because of this. That way I wouldn't truly hurt her. I stepped on her once from not looking down before I moved my feet, but I soon learned afterwards to do so ALL THE TIME, and to shuffle them rather than pick them up as I walked! I never got angry with her when she would go pee in different spots next to one another all along the kitchen wall in front of the heat register, the microwave, or the rug along the door. Hell, she even pooped in one of my moms' Nike thongs that are made from rubber! I thought that it was funny, but my mom didn't. Weepy would come down the hall when she heard me get out of bed in the morning. The other kitties would come down the hall at first, and she eventually follow. One time I was playing my guitar, and she came right in meowing for me to feed her. I did right afterwards as I asked, "Is it time to eat again?" So I put it down, and went into the kitchen where she would stand between my legs, and wait paitiently while raising her paw up and down in anticipation of being fed. She even bit my sock and pulled on it one time when I wasn't going fast enough. That too was something that she just did. I couldn't teach that to a four month old kitten! That was just how Weepy was, just so adorable, so sweet. She would gravitate to her older brother - Smoky, as he was her protector, and showed Weepy the most attention. He doted on her too, and when the other kittens would play with her hard he would stop them. When Weepy didn't come down the hall, or wasn't waiting outside the bathroom door as she usually does for me as I came out monday morning I knew then that something was wrong. This is when I pulled her out of her little pink house, as I woke my mother to come out to help.
Weepy was truly very special. Once when she went potty in the corner as she was too small to use the litterbox she had a piece of poop stuck in her, and she was laying on the couch I saw this, I wouldn't normally have,but I reached down with my bare hand and pulled it out very gently so as not to hurt her. I of course threw it away, and washed my hands. I had to do this fast (leaving, and re-entering the room) because if I didn't she would become impatient, and jump down to see where I went. This was also something that only she did, and it was a part of her personality. She was truly one of a kind in everything that she did as a person would be. It's inexplicable, or rather unexplainable how she figured out the things that she did, but she did them, and it made her all that more appealing, and so much more adorable, and far more special than a regular kitten! Once when I was back in my room playing my guitar she came back to see what that sound was coming from it. She looked, and listened for about a minute, then I put it down, and she walked away. I followed her out, and we played together for a while. One time I laid a towel on the bedroom floor, and I didn't pick it up right away so who should come back and lay on it? that's right - Weepy! Then the other kitties came back to play with her, but I scolded them, and I told them to "Go away - this is Mine, and Weepys time together as I sat on the edge of my bed playing my guitar.
I made a ten minute video of her laying as I talked to her, and petted her. She looked so happy. She would purr when she would lay on the rug on the floor in my moms room. We never really understood, but I think it's because it was so fluffy, and soft reminding her of her mother. Truly unique! Everything about her was special despite her having neurological problems with her brain, and not understanding the things of nature that a cat normally does. She wouldn't eat meat, but she would smell of it then walk away. This was part of the neurological problems that would eventually be her downfall as she couldn't get the proper nutrition from kitten formula alone. This ulitmately led to her demise, and as the vet said "I don't think she'll live" meaning that he didn't that she would survive much longer, especially since most kittens like her died with a week or two of being born. This was when she was only a month old. Weepy did survive - three months longer than she should have. All the care, and love we provided just wasn't enough to keep her alive as she would clench her jaws shut when we tried to force feed her with a baby bottle, and a syringe. This worked somewhat, but it took a lot of force! I didn't know if we kept doing it if it would've made her get better, or if this would only prolong her agony. She even growled at my mother as she tried to force water into Weepys mouth. I told my mother to stop as she was using a baby bottle for small animals, but too much as Weepy didn't have enough time in between drinks to catch her breath fully! This was about twenty minutes before Weepy started to gasp for her last breath.
When Weepy died my mother sat in the chair with her, and said "She's not dead - she's just sleeping!" This is because she did look like she was sleeping when my mother closed Weepys eyes for the last time ever. It took me twenty minutes to convince her that Weepy was dead. My mother kept talking to her saying, "Who's a pretty girl? That's right, you are!" then she would start crying when I said in between sobs, "Mom - you're talking to a corpse!" she said "No she's not! she's just sleeping -my little angel is just tired!" She couldn't come to grips with the fact that our little angel, our little little sweetheart, our little miracle baby was dead after having her all this time. It hurt then and it hurts every bit as much now. Fighting back the tears as I write this, and break up every now and then. It's taken over two hours now for me to post this. I'm going to call around for a place that will rent a bandsaw to me. I have a beautiful quilt maple top that I bought with the intention of using it for an Eddie Van Halen Ernie Ball Musicman style guitar that I was going to make, but now it will serve a higher purpose: to enclose Weepy forever. I'm going to stain it a similar colour to Weepys little house, and glue it toether, then seal it inside, and out to seal out odors, and whatnot, and to keep bugs, or anything from getting in. I need to find some beautiful fabric to cover her in, and something to lay her on so that nothing inside will rattle around, and Weepy can rest here with us, and we'll have her close by. I've had a lot of animals over the years, but none ever touched my heart as Weepy did, and no one ever will. Not even people have ever touched my heart so strongly, and they never will either. You can't put a price on love, nor can you put a price on doing something for the ones that you love! Most people have their friend, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife, but I had no one but Weepy. She was my everything. And every time I came home from work, school, the store, a friend, or family members' house Weepy Baby was the first thing that I saw, or looked for. I would call out "Where's Weepy? Where's my little baby angel?" She was truly my angel, my love, my life, everything that I lived for, and now I have nothing!
I don't know if this will be my last post forever, or just for a while. If it IS indeed my last post; know that I enjoyed what time I had here, and I apologise to everyone who followed my X-wing thread for not finishing it. I'll give myself a few days to a week to decide for sure. If I do decide not to come back I'll make an offer to anyone that wants to finish this with all the parts that I have made for the kit so far. Thank you all again for your kindest words, and for reading. I know that there's more that I wish to say, but I'm not going to mince words. I'm in grieving, and mourning not for myself, but for tiny little Weepy Baby. She was my special angel. Now she's gone to Heaven. Good day, and God bless you all!
~ Cobra Chris