I think I can help with a couple of these. I'm not an expert or on the staff mind you, so I'm, mostly speculating.
In the options, just set them to default(the top option for all). That should help. That is what mine are set to and it works fine. In the update profile list, I have the option to not be seen on active member list, I did select no, then hit apply, my name was gone. With regards to sharing your email, if you have not typed it in, it will not show. You can choose to not recieve emails from the forum, but you may need to change the settings in your private messages options too. Are you selecting 'apply' before loging out of the profile area?
Hopefully someone on the staff will read and correct me and help you further.
Drew