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Important Things We've Learned in the Movies

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  • Member since
    February, 2003
Important Things We've Learned in the Movies
Posted by Jim Barton on Saturday, June 03, 2017 3:38 PM

Even in L.A. rush-hour traffic, your SUV will have no trouble at all outrunning the fracturing earthquake fault.

It is really imperative that you never, ever let dinosaurs escape.

Fire hydrants are for cars to knock over.

Here's one for the ladies: If you're all alone in the big scary haunted house and you hear a strange noise, you must investigate while wearing just your underwear.

If you're involved in a car chase in a third-world nation, you must send at least one fruit cart flying by running into it with your car. The owner of the cart in turn must shake his fist at you as you depart.

Anyone can land a plane provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

"Whaddya mean 'Who's flying the plane?!' Nobody's flying the plane!"

  • Member since
    October, 2006
  • From: Tucson, AZ
Posted by Archangel Shooter on Saturday, June 03, 2017 3:43 PM

When you run our of bullets, you got one more chance of hitting the other guy by throwiing your empty pistol at him.

 Your image is loading...

 On the bench: Trumpeter Ticongeroga

 

 

  • Member since
    May, 2017
  • From: Cape Town,South Africa
Posted by SafferScale on Saturday, June 03, 2017 4:08 PM

The Beretta m9 carries 45+ rounds in one mag and some of the rounds have explosive tips.....lol

  • Member since
    March, 2017
Posted by Justsomerandommodeller on Saturday, June 03, 2017 4:53 PM
The bad guys cannot hit their target even if it's an easy shot.
  • Member since
    May, 2009
  • From: Poland
Posted by Pawel on Saturday, June 03, 2017 5:18 PM

Not so, if it's the first part of the movie!

All comments and critique welcomed. Thanks for your honest opinions!

www.vietnam.net.pl

  • Member since
    May, 2011
  • From: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posted by Real G on Saturday, June 03, 2017 7:00 PM

Don't open that door.

And don't walk backwards towards that door, or anywhere else for that matter.

And the self-destruct countdown always stops at 1 or 2 seconds.  Unless you are Ripley in the first "Alien".  Good thing there was an escape pod.

The monster is ALWAYS in the escape pod.

  • Member since
    February, 2017
Posted by ugamodels on Saturday, June 03, 2017 8:33 PM

I call it the 100,000 to 1 rule. 100,000 good guy bullets hit their targets for every 1 of the bad guy's. It works for light sabers, arrows, spears, what have you. 

I type on a tablet. Please excuse the terseness and the autocorrect. Not to mention the erors. 

  • Member since
    November, 2003
  • From: State of Mississippi. State motto: Virtute et armis (By valor and arms)
Posted by mississippivol on Saturday, June 03, 2017 9:23 PM
Only Roy Rogers tucks his pants into his boots.
  • Member since
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  • From: New Braunfels , Texas
Posted by Tanker - Builder on Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:28 AM

Oh , You forgot ;

 If you drive your car into a river or lake it floats long enough for you and the lady you rescued to get out , swim to shore and kiss each other !  Same with a plane , T.B. 

  • Member since
    June, 2014
  • From: New Braunfels , Texas
Posted by Tanker - Builder on Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:29 AM

Oh this too :

  If you crash anywhere you always see the cockpit crew surviving with barely a scratch !

  • Member since
    May, 2013
  • From: From the Mit, but live in Mason, O high ho
Posted by hogfanfs on Sunday, June 04, 2017 8:45 AM

All automobiles have the standard option of enough explosives to detonate into a spectacular fireball when shot or driven off a cliff.  Big Smile

 

Also, make sure you trip (especially when you are of the female persuasion) over anything available (could even be a blade of grass) while being chased by the antagonist. 

Bruce

 

 

  • Member since
    July, 2012
  • From: Douglas AZ
Posted by littletimmy on Sunday, June 04, 2017 10:41 AM

Dont forget...

When being chased by a madman in a truck make sure you run down the middle of the road! 

He will never catch you there!

                      Dont worry about the thumbprint... paint it rust and call it "Battle damage" !

  • Member since
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Posted by Justsomerandommodeller on Sunday, June 04, 2017 11:28 AM
Apparently during WWII the Germans had American tanks from the 50's and 60's.
  • Member since
    March, 2013
Posted by patrick206 on Sunday, June 04, 2017 3:29 PM

Enemy fighter airplanes looked just like the North American T-6 trainer.

Modern turbine powered helicopters, sound just like the old Korea war vintage M.A.S.H. type.

Regardless of the aircraft type, once the bad guy pilot has been subdued, the hero character can fly it expertly. 

 

 

 

 

  • Member since
    January, 2015
Posted by PFJN on Sunday, June 04, 2017 6:09 PM

Hi,

1)  Apparently exposure to radiation and/or toxic chemicals will either give you super powers or immediately transform you into some sort of mutant.

2) If someone has an ominous sounding last name (like "von Doom", "Bedlam", "Death" "Faustus", "Impossible", "Octopus", "Psycho", "Shocker", "Spectro", etc) and is studying for a PhD, watch out because it will undoubtedly turn out badly.

3) Super heros some how manage to not only prevent world ending catastrophes on a regular basis, but also seem to have the time to constantly keep their love interest or the sidekick of their alter identity out of minor/petty trouble.

4) The crew of a spaceship may be large, but only a handful of people onboard are of any importance, and they will regularly be called on to help save the universe once every week or two, 20-24 times a year, with a break during the summer.  (OK, that's more of a TV than movie thing)

Pat

 

  • Member since
    June, 2013
Posted by CharleyGnarlyP290 on Thursday, June 15, 2017 7:51 AM
Easy Co, 506th, 101st Airborne was the only unit that knew what they were doing in WWII. If Sgt Saunders had been in the aforementioned units, the war would have been over in two weeks (must allow for travel time, and I wonder how many will even know who Sgt Saunders is.)
  • Member since
    November, 2009
  • From: SW Virginia
Posted by Gamera on Thursday, June 15, 2017 8:00 AM

If facing a monster or serial killer that knocks off his targets one by one always split up and search the area solo rather than as a group. 

The monster/serial killer isn't really dead until the credits roll so don't walk up it's 'corpse' and poke it with a stick. And in many cases it still will return in the sequel.

Most monsters are immune to bullets but can be pierced and killed by an arrow. 

Guns can only shoot two or three feet. If you're covering someone with a pistol never stand on the other side of the room, you must always walk over to the other guy and hold the gun about three inches in front of his face (so he can knock it out of your hand if you're distracted). 

Anything in the world can be hacked (even if it has no connection to the internet) by punching two or three keys on a computer. 

Aliens may be advanced enough to have faster-than-light drive systems and gigantic spacecraft but their weapons are rarely any better than our own at the point in time the movie is made. (Aka a blaster is no better than a M-16, a flying saucer has the same performance as a F/A-18 if today. If made in the '50s the saucers are no faster than a F-86).  

Any animal if it becomes huge becomes magically bulletproof.

The US military has special projects to create aliens, werewolvies, vampires, giant animals, dragons, etc as biological weapons. 

A 5 foot 1, 90 pound bikini model can take on a half-dozen professional wrestler/bodybuilder type guys three times her size and whip them all.

 

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed." -G.K. Chesterton

 

  • Member since
    August, 2014
  • From: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Posted by goldhammer on Thursday, June 15, 2017 9:29 AM

Engineless vehicles can do 70 mph, flip, and explode, blowing the hood off and show bare frame rails in the firebox.......with all kinds of detailing, ie. wires, hoses, etc. hanging loose.

6 shot revolvers have the amazing capacity to hold around 20 rounds. (wish mine would, wouldn't need the speedloaders)

Single stack semi-auto pistols hold more rounds than a Thompson drum magazine.

Aliens NEVER die.

  • Member since
    September, 2016
  • From: Albany, New York
Posted by ManCityFan on Thursday, June 15, 2017 10:47 AM

This one caused me to yell at the TV...

In Tunisia during WWII, Tigers looked exactly like Patton tanks with German crosses painted on them.

 

Dwayne or Dman or just D.

 

 

  • Member since
    September, 2012
Posted by GMorrison on Thursday, June 15, 2017 11:02 AM

If you meet a fellow pilot who becomes your closest buddy, there's a certainty he has past history with your wife.

  • Member since
    September, 2006
  • From: Bethlehem PA
Posted by the Baron on Thursday, June 15, 2017 11:42 AM

In a similar vein, here is a list that I first saw back in '95 or '96, after I got into IT :

Thirty Things We Know About Computers From Watching Movies

1.      Word processors never display a cursor.

2.      It is unnecessary to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3.      No one ever makes typing errors.

4.      All monitors display 2-inch-high letters.

5.      The high-tech computers used by NASA, the CIA, or other governmental agencies, have easy-to-understand graphic interfaces. Those without have incredibly powerful, text-based command lines that understand plain English. Corollary: Anyone can access any information by simply typing "Access all secret files" on any keyboard.

6.      You can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "Upload virus." Just as they do in humans, viruses raise a computer's temperature. Soon smoke will billow out of disk drives and monitors.

7.      All computers are connected.

8.      You can access information on any desktop computer, even when it's turned off.

9.      Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the screen output to reading speed. Really advanced ones emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as characters appear on-screen.

10.  All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just beneath their surface. Malfunctions are always indicated by bright flashes, puffs of smoke, showers of sparks, and explosions that throws people backwards.

11.  After typing on a computer, you may safely turn it off without saving the data, naming the file, or specifying its location.

12.  Hackers can easily break into the most sensitive computers before intermission. They only need a few tries to guess secret passwords.

13.  Any "Permission Denied" message has an "Override" function.

14.  Computers take approximately two seconds to boot up.

15.  Complex calculations and uploading or downloading huge amounts of data take about three seconds. Movie modems transmit data at about two gigabytes per second.

16.  When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all the control panels explode shortly before the entire building does.

17.  If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no backup files. There is no undelete.

18.  All computers interface with all other computers regardless of manufacturer or galaxy of origin.

19.  All computer disks are readable by all computer systems.

20.  All computers can use any application software.

21.  You are asked for a password when you just look at a disk containing encrypted files.

22.  The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it needs.

23.  Operators of high-tech computers must be highly trained because the only labeled button reads, "Self Destruct."

24.  Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying, three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic, animated graphics capability.

25.  Laptops all have real-time videophone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

26.  Whenever characters look at monitors, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto their face.

27.  Computers never crash during important, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers under stress never make mistakes.

28.  Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

29.  Internet searches always return what you seek no matter how vague your keywords.

30.  All photographs can be enhanced simply by pulling minute details out of the grain. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want. "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? Enhance." "Look! It's the murder weapon!"

The bigger the government, the smaller the citizen.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/HansvonHammer/Humor/th_MonogramMafia.jpg?t=1296972087

  • Member since
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  • From: hamburg michigan
Posted by fermis on Thursday, June 15, 2017 12:43 PM

Gamera

A 5 foot 1, 90 pound bikini model can take on a half-dozen professional wrestler/bodybuilder type guys three times her size and whip them all.

 

There it is!!!

That's the first thing that came to my mind...worded a bit different, but same/same!

 

-A girl can do anything a man can do....and better!

-A girl can take an arrow, a bullet or two, a sword to the gut and a 300 foot fall into 6 inches of water...and wash up down stream...and her horse will be right there waiting for her to wake up. She'll also make a full recovery! Meanwhile, a 250lb. brute of a man will take a glancing blow which results in instant death.

-Women are smart and can deal with situations, using logic and reason!

 

-Pilots and crew of unpressurised aircraft don't seem to need oxygen at high altitudes.

  • Member since
    May, 2009
  • From: Poland
Posted by Pawel on Thursday, June 15, 2017 5:09 PM

Hello!

There is that cool scene in one of the later James Bond movies, where 007 is suited up for a HALO jump, oxygen mask and bottles, and so on. So he puts on the mask and the ramp opens into the sunset. The loadmasters don't need this kinda crap, no oxygen, no nothing. What do we learn - the low atmospheric pressure is only OUTSIDE of the aircraft!

Have a nice day

PaweĊ‚

All comments and critique welcomed. Thanks for your honest opinions!

www.vietnam.net.pl

  • Member since
    March, 2017
Posted by Justsomerandommodeller on Thursday, June 15, 2017 5:44 PM
  • A .50 caliber round can hit someone's head and leave a nice clean hole.                      
  • When following someone in a vehicle make sure that your directly behind them no matter what.
  • A 9mm pistol doesn't have any recoil and can easily be dual-wielded by anyone.
  • All tables are bulletproof.
  • F-22's carry external ordinance.
  • Every member of the special forces is a 250 lb+ bodybuilder.
  • Member since
    August, 2005
  • From: Sydney, Australia
Posted by Phil_H on Thursday, June 15, 2017 11:40 PM

the Baron

In a similar vein, here is a list that I first saw back in '95 or '96, after I got into IT :

Thirty Things We Know About Computers From Watching Movies
 
26. Whenever characters look at monitors, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto their face.

 

The projected image is also often reversed so the audience can read the output properly on the person's face...  
  • Member since
    September, 2012
Posted by GMorrison on Friday, June 16, 2017 12:16 AM

Showed this to my IT guy.

he added 31. 

Hackers finish while talking to themselves, ending with "and we are...in".

  • Member since
    September, 2006
  • From: Bethlehem PA
Posted by the Baron on Friday, June 16, 2017 11:54 AM

GMorrison

Showed this to my IT guy.

he added 31. 

Hackers finish while talking to themselves, ending with "and we are...in".

 

 
Big Smile
 
I'm just reminded now of the original "Jurassic Park", and the scene in the control room, where Lex sits down at a terminal and says, "It's a Unix system!"  Yeah, great, that explains everything to everyone in the audience.
 
JP also has a great example of the text on a monitor burning itself onto a face, albeit the face of a raptor.
 

The bigger the government, the smaller the citizen.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/HansvonHammer/Humor/th_MonogramMafia.jpg?t=1296972087

  • Member since
    January, 2007
Posted by oldsalty on Friday, June 16, 2017 12:28 PM

Ahhhhh, "That's Entertainment!!!"

 

OldSalty

  • Member since
    January, 2013
Posted by BlackSheepTwoOneFour on Sunday, June 18, 2017 9:41 PM

Having any part of your body beaten badly and still being able to stand up and fight back or run. WTH?!?!

  • Member since
    September, 2006
  • From: Bethlehem PA
Posted by the Baron on Monday, June 19, 2017 11:43 AM

BlackSheepTwoOneFour

Having any part of your body beaten badly and still being able to stand up and fight back or run. WTH?!?!

 

 
Sometimes that scenario flows into a "comeback trail" montage, where the hero spends time re-training, be it boxing or gunfighting.

The bigger the government, the smaller the citizen.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/HansvonHammer/Humor/th_MonogramMafia.jpg?t=1296972087

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