Why Green Army Men are better than Action Figures:
Nobody ever referred
to Army Men as dolls.
Army Men won 't give you nightmares.
With Army Men, it's either a rifle, pistol, machine gun, bazooka,
flamethrower
or grenade. You don't have to read comic books to learn a whole new
array of bizarre weapons in order to play.
When an Action Figure comes with an "accessory included," it's either a
single
firearm or other simple piece of equipment. When Army men come with
"accessories included," you get a tank AND a jeep AND field artillery.
Army Men are straightforward: each has a weapon and he uses it. You
have to study the comic books to figure out what each action figure does
regardless of his weapons.
If an adult comes down the street dressed like an Army Man, you can
pretty
much guess that he is in the Army, Marines or National Guard. If an
adult comes down the street dressed like an Action Figure, you can
pretty
much guess that his girlfriend's name is either Bruce, Rodney or Tyrone.
The design of Army Men does not involve the use of LSD, Angel Dust or
other
hallucinogenics and psychotropics.
Your big sister won't pilfer your Army Men if she needs a date for her
new
Barbie Doll.
You can excuse collecting Army Men as an interest in history. But how
do you excuse collecting Action Figures? As an interest in dolls? Or
an obsession with comic books?
You can play with Army Men without having to sweat their "collectible
value."
With Army men, you don't have to worry about preserving the packaging.
It's what's inside the bag that counts!
If you put Action Figures on electric trains, they look like freaks on a
kiddie ride. Army Men can ride your Lionels and K-Lines and still look
like cool.
Army Men and their vehicles and accessories won't get ruined if you
leave
them out in the rain.
If your mother steps on an Army Man and crushes it, you still have 50
more
to play with.