Model building not a substitute for video games? Need help!!!!

Well said dirk...well said.

  In time he will find more time for his hobbies...just have to sit back and wait. 

mo   Dude, I'm late coming to this thread, but one thing I noticed with my wife is the eye opener she got after we went to a few car shows or gun shows, where the collector cars run $40-50,000, or the nice AR-15's get into the $1500-$2000 range.   She commented that she was so glad my hobbies weren't fancy cars or guns (although I do own several guns as well), and that I didn't have a bar habit or other unseemly poker night or somesuch with the guys.

      For perspective, I've only been married seven years.  I'm a full time stay-at-home Dad while my wife works as a CPA full time. But I've learned that spending family time on the couch watching a favorite show is an investment.  My wife has learned that it's wise to give me a break in the man cave every night for an  hour or two to preserve my sanity after watching kids all day.  So that's what we do.   We trade off a family night for a night of modeling an hour or two.

      As an aside, in that one or two hours, you'd be surprised what you can accomplish once you learn to adapt to the schedule.  Although, I'm nowhere near completing a model in 20 or 40  hours.  I usually complete 2 or 3 in a year.  And that's not super detailing them or adding all kinds of aftermarket bling.  Straight OOB.

Echo,

You are good. I like that. She will see right through that line of BS but its the principle that matters. 

  I honestly believe that Auto's list should be a sticky. I know it sounds humorous, but after thinking about it...how many of us could have used that info a few years ago! Kinda like the adage "If I knew then, what I know now". Well said Auto...

  Before you know it, Auto, some time will pass and you will find that your modeling time will increase. But if you are still looking for something good to say:

Honey...when I am modeling, I feel like I am accomplishing something. It makes me feel like I created something from nothing. Do you mind if I bring a couple of parts up here so I can work on it while hanging out with ya?

  Feel free to edit as you see fit  

Maybe that should be the Ten Commandments of Modeling? 

If so I here by phrase this and trademark this to Autovomatic LLC! 

autovomatic88

lol if she new this.... I could only imagine. I got the point guys. I was just looking to hear what you all had to endeavor. Not looking for marriage tips. 

So if I could break it down in a 10 step process here it is. Correct me if I miss something.

10. Spend no more than 2 hours a day on a model.... not 5...You're wasting brain cells in her eyes.

9. Never go to IKEA in a Snow storm. Even if you have a 4x4 truck and its convenient. 

8. Telling her to get a hobby so she gets off your back is unacceptable.

7. Do not rush to finish models, enjoy them.

6. She is first and she is second. 

5. Dont try to piss her off so you can spend more time modeling in the man cave.

4. Always tell her that you love her and she should be happy i am modeling than at the bar with the local hussies.

3. Sit next to her when your in the construction phase. If you make a mess she may kick you back to the cave.

2. Always wear comfy shoes when going to Vegas.... and bring a rut sack for the all you can eat buffets... Thanks Uncle Eddie and Eric.

1. Dont let her know that your discussing this to complete strangers.... Due to geek factor increase. 

Ok guys. I think I got it :) have a good one. 

I'm going to give that one a big standing ovation and a salute to top it off.  I couldn't have phrased it any better myself.  Print out those ten rules to live by, post it by your work bench and you'll have a long and happy future ahead of you.  Just don't be afraid to open up to your fellow geeks.  LOL!

Eric

...Tag...

Now your learning...see these forums are educational after all.

...tag...

lol if she new this.... I could only imagine. I got the point guys. I was just looking to hear what you all had to endeavor. Not looking for marriage tips. 

So if I could break it down in a 10 step process here it is. Correct me if I miss something.

10. Spend no more than 2 hours a day on a model.... not 5...You're wasting brain cells in her eyes.

9. Never go to IKEA in a Snow storm. Even if you have a 4x4 truck and its convenient. 

8. Telling her to get a hobby so she gets off your back is unacceptable.

7. Do not rush to finish models, enjoy them.

6. She is first and she is second. 

5. Dont try to piss her off so you can spend more time modeling in the man cave.

4. Always tell her that you love her and she should be happy i am modeling than at the bar with the local hussies.

3. Sit next to her when your in the construction phase. If you make a mess she may kick you back to the cave.

2. Always wear comfy shoes when going to Vegas.... and bring a rut sack for the all you can eat buffets... Thanks Uncle Eddie and Eric.

1. Dont let her know that your discussing this to complete strangers.... Due to geek factor increase. 

Ok guys. I think I got it :) have a good one. 

I would not even tell her that you are on here asking what we think. You will confirm your geek status by not only doing models but by talking about it with strangers.

Yeah it makes perfect sense. 

echolmberg

Congrats on being a newlywed!  I am not going to pretend I can speak for us married members here so I'm only going to tell you what works for me.

I got married at age 28 (I'm 40 now) and a couple of months after my wife and I got hitched, we bought our house.  The house, while only 2 years old, needed almost a complete rebuild of the interior because the previous owners pets pretty well trashed the place.  Anyway, I remember once grousing about how I had no time for my models and one day my wife snapped.  She truly reminded me that I am married first and foremost.  She loves my hobby and supports it 110% but the fact of the matter is that I had to stop living with my 12 year old mentality.  Don't get me wrong!  She loves my often child-llike mentality!  LOL!  But what she engrained in me was the fact that there is a time and place for everything.  Heck if she see's I'm a lttle grumpy, she'll just about toss me downstairs while telling me to go work on a model in order to find tranquility again.

But that's my main point.  My wife buys models for me from time to time and she's even given me some great video games for Christmas and whatnot.  The BIG thing to learn (at least in my case only) was to know the appropriateness of each activity.  Think of it from your wife's perspective.  She might wonder why you married her just to ditch her for five hours while you're working on something.

I don't know if this'll help or not but sometimes when my wife wants to (for example) work on the laptop for a while, while she's doing that, I'll bring a small kit upstairs so I can work on the simpler assemblies.  That way, even if we're doing two separate activities, we're both still together and we can still talk.  As long as I clean up afterwards, life is good.  It's a give and take.  Actually, I take that back.  When you're both giving, that makes it a "give and give".  You're both benefiting.

Good luck and best wishes!  Just remember when it's time to be a man and when it's time to be a kid.  Figure that out and you'll be alright.  But don't give up one for the other. 

Eric

PS. Get used to the "20 days if not more" to finish a model.  And if you're planning on having kids, well, it was a good year if not more before I ever touched another model.  I used to build maybe 12 a year.  Now I'm happy if I can get 4 done in a year.  But your priorities change.  Now I focus more on quality and not how many I can crank out in 20 days.

Well put!

You want me to pull an Eddie and bring in a rut sack? I can do that and meet you in Wrightstown. Maybe the Outa Town Club lol. 

I was told to bring a great pair of walking shoes. I have a great squirrel at home. Yes I call her squirrel instead of girl. Long story. But there are not many that will do what she does. We spoil each other. We love each other. She loves and cherishes our time together. Sometime I just want to relax and not try to take the world on together. She just looking for a boys hand to hold and get crazy in this world. For an independent girl that tells how it is... she sure depends on me. I cannot complain. Winters are boring up here and this is something that passes the time. She would never come down to the man cave. Or it would be called the clam cave. lol. She just feels like its my get away zone. Its not. I would love for her to come down. She is afraid to though. I think she is afraid that I might be sitting indian style with a little light on and a paint brush in my hand.

Yet she found out first hand on sunday what goes on. As I was sitting at my work bench... paint brush in mouth, model in one hand, paint in the other. she took the brush out of my mouth. Kissed me. Then put the brush back in. Then supplied me with an amazing Toms Drive in Burger with fries and deep fried cheese curds. So I know she doesnt hate me :) 

5 hours is excessive. I will give you that.

Eric.... do I need to get you a key chain? lol

Landon

Make sure you've got a REALLY comfy pair of walking shoes!  LOL!  When my wife and I honeymooned in Vegas, we hoofed it all up and down the strip.  Talk about sensory overload!  It was a blast and you'll have fun.  It was hard for me to walk around all the casinos without thinking of Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci.  I won $5 at a Roulette table and that was all the thrill I needed when it came to gambling.  Ha-ha-ha!

You have better restaurants in Appleton than I do here in Green Bay.  But the food in LV was outstanding!  Fill your pockets before you head back home.

Eric

I don't suggest this approach but it has worked for me.

She griped I spent too much time working on models (a couple hours a week) I said "would you rather I spend the time and money in a bar?) That won that battle.

I am a dining room table builder, so I am effectively in the same room with her. However, she now wants me to watch TV with her more. I routinely say "If you watch better shows I will watch them with you." An argument usually ensues but I refuse to watch The Bachelor or Real Housewives of Stalingrad or whatever she is watching.. I was never that wild about TV, and I can usually DVR the 2 or 3 shows I watch.. But I am never heartbroken if I miss them.

I have also suggested she take up a hobby. A few years ago she invested a few thousand dollars and took over a great table in a prime corner of the house for her hobby- stamping. She only does it a couple times a year. I suggested if she did that more we could do our hobbies together and turn off the idiot box. She hasn't been totally receptive yet.

She does have a 11.5 yr old son. Who is amazing and he is into modeling as well. So we already have the child situation going on. Yes there will be more in the future. I know there will be great sacrifices in order to make it work. I am with you guys on this. So thank you for all the help and support.

We do communicate very well. Thats one of the reasons why we get alone and married each other. We are able to hatch it out and deal with the problems and resolve the problem. She knew I wanted to go to IKEA. It was 20 min from the airport. We live 4 hours away from the airport. In my eyes it made sense. In here eyes she just wanted to get home. 

I think we will be fine. Its just going to be balancing everything. With my bday coming up she is taking me to Vegas :) Never been there. But she made a joke when I said that I have some models coming via mail and some Tom Clancy books. She said sweet. I will wrap them up for you and give them to you on your birthday. She has a great sense of humor and I laughed my butt off. 

We will be fine. I just wanted to hear what else you guys had to say. Cause I know there is more of you out there that have been down this road. I just wanted the advice sooner to hatch it out then making the matters worse. 

Thanks. All of you. 

All I can say is that you have to always talk and communicate!  Don't be pulling these little surprises on her because all you've done is created a hostage whom you're dragging through a bad snowstorm just for a curio cabinet.  Maybe it's worth your life but, again from her perspective, the danger and her time are definitely not worth it to her.

Everything in life has its time and its place.  You can have anything and everything you want but you have to make your marriage and your communication a two way street.  If you guys don't talk and discuss things and come to mutually beneficial decisions, this marriage of yours isn't going make it to next year.

I'm guessing in a few years there might be more kids involved.  Maybe yes.  Maybe no.  But if there are, think of what both your worlds will be like if only one of you makes a decision affecting your kid without telling the other one.  Today the problem is the inability to hold a discussion regarding something as simple as a model airplane.  Tomorrow it's going to be the inability to hold a discussion regarding the raising of your children, your finances, your issues, and on and on and on.

Eric 

This is pretty much the way she is. She is supportive and likes the fact that I am not running the town with my friends. She does think its geeky and a little childish. For example. After we fly into O'hare after our wedding/honeymoon/vacation. She asks where are we going. Well I didn't drive the truck down to Chicago from Appleton for kicks. I said very nicely we are going to IKEA. lol Not what she wanted to hear.

Who would have thought IKEA would have been that damn busy on a Monday. Not even a holiday. Went and picked up the glass four shelf curio for 70 dollars and the light. Her A D D was running wild. Case in point. She was one hot mess and wanted to be going home. Plus we had to travel 130 miles in a snow storm that dumped 10" of snow. She asks whats this for? Already knowing the answer she goes your not going to put your models and transformers in here are you? She goes thats great now when we have company I will have to make sure they dont go into the basement to see the toys. 

I love her to death and I know I make her sound worse than she is. She is not. She is actually very funny and sarcastic. Just have to find the common ground. 

I do have over 60 Crown Royal Purple Pouches that she could start making into a blanket for the man cave.........hmmmmm.

Its all good like i said... 10 words or less. It gets the point across. If its on battle or the reason for the entire WWII. Its summed up right there. Take it how you want it. 

My wife of 30 years raises exotic chickens and spends a lot of time on forums for her birds. She sits with her laptop in the same room where I work and  I just make interested sounds every so often while she chatters away about colors and genetics.  I also build the occasional hen house or brooder as soon as she asks and she lets me do what ever I want with my modeling.

I have been married for just over a year so I think I can relate to your problem.
My wife finds my hobby a bit akward and geeky ("do not tell my friends that you build model aircraft!") but she is supportive. When we go on vaction I get to visit aircraft museums, I never "get in to trouble" about modelling purchases etc.
I agree that modelling in the same room relieves a lot of the tension about modelling. I bough a plastic tray, put the things I need for the current modelling task (you do not need all your tools for every task!) on the tray and do my work sitting at the table in the living room whilst she watches TV, reads a book etc.  By having it all on a tray, clean up is easy, just put the tray back on your modelling desk!
As for more time consuming and specific tasks (like airbrushing) I always inform my wife what what I am going to do and how long this wil take. ("I going to do some airbrushing so I will be at my modelling desk for an hour") That way she knows when not to disturb and when I will be back...that really works wonders.

Most women that dislike models and videogames like crafts of one sort or another.  my suggestion to you would be to make some room in your work room and make a place for her to do her thing, so you can both be working on your hobbies together at the same time and place.

BTW...I stand corrected.

It has been pointed out to me that her other favorite channel carries "Murder She Wrote". That would be the Hallmark channel. You would think I would have remembered that as much as it is on.

"a happy wife equals a happy life"

Long stretches of confinement are tough now when you're a newly-wed, try fast forwarding a few years if/when you have kids.

Similar scenario to DoogsATX, only so many hours in a day and its tighter when you have 2 kids around.  My area is hidden in the laundry room away from little hands so I don't spend more time cleaning then working.  My time is short spurts when the boss sits down to watch one of her shows.

I'd go with a TV tray, maintain the quality time.

Hard to get a balance.

Being newly-wed she wants you close and play with the toys she bought you. So extended time in the man-cave is a no-no.

Best time, IMO, do your own hobbies (modeling, knitting, etc) while being in the same room.

Different working hours, etc complicate the matter as will rugrats, etc.

Only way I think she could accepted you spending lots of hours in the man-cave is when she banished you to it(not recommended just yet).

I think I can speak for many here that we have to fit in modeling sessions at odd times and less lengthy than we would like.

DoogsATX

If we hadn't cut the cable years ago, Mrs. Doogs would probably still be all over that channel. That and trashy reality shows. She's a smart woman, but we definitely have distinct tastes! Her with Tantrums and Tiaras, me with Spartacus...but we have a good amount of common ground, too.

Not to hijack the thread, but what substitute are you using Doogs? Netflix, P2P, Usenet.....

  I have been entertaining cutting out cable...but FiOS does have a rocking lineup and the price is not to bad. So, I am always checking out what the 'other guy' is using to supplement their entertainment.

  Fermis makes a good point, though. I used to hit the bars pretty hard with my fellow IT employees. Had a lot of girls that always hit on me at the bar or at work (no account for good taste, huh    ). So the miss'es was glad for me to take up a hobby and settle down. And to be honest, so was I.

 I think you'll get about as much advice here as there are members. It started out much the same for me. I didn't get back into modelling til after my wife (G.F. at the time) moved in with me (1994,18, married at 20). I didn't have much for tools, paint, etc. So, what I had could fit in a model box with the model. I'd just build on my lap, sittin on the couch. I built maybe 3 models a year....not much! As I aquired more supplies, I built a little portable rack, that I could set aside when not in use. I'd sit on the floor, against the couch and pull the coffee table over my legs. Yes, my wife digs Lifetime, and was "needy", but I was building a model, so...whatever! She had me close and I got to do what I wanted too. I built that way for years!!! Fast forward to 2003, when we moved into our current home and have lots of space. I had to wean her off of me slowly. I put a modelling desk upstairs in the loft, overlooking the living room. Still close enough, for her! I finally was able to finish off the basement and move everything down there. The entire basement is dedicated to nothing but modelling. It took many years, but now I model whenever I want. There are times that I can tell, she wants me close by. That's fine sometimes. But sometimes, I really wanna get to work. I just get real obnoxious, and make her want me to go to MY basement!!! We both win...it's great!!!

 It takes time. Eventually she'll realize that your hobby is a good thing and that you are close by, not off in a bar somewhere with loose women (that is how they think!!!).