It is written in the book of Paasche, Chapter XIV, verses 1-14:
"In the seventeenth year after the fall of the Splatteronians, Matthew of the House of Usher and Aaron, of the House of Skinner, came together in battle once again to combat the forces of Clog and the Bentneedleites. It was then that they guided the host of Badgerites to the Promised Land, which was blessed with rivers of thinner and steady hands guided by the Lord Our God. But then, Matthew was found to have known Monica of the House of Freitag in a familar way, and Aaron was jealous. So Aaron slew Matthew, leaving Monica to weep among the kits and the pipettes. And blood was on Aaron's hands, but his kit reviews were the greatest in the land, and so none challenged him. Amen.