Nicholas,
Humor is always appreciated so no worries there!
![Wink [;)]](/FSM/CS/emoticons/icon_smile_wink.gif)
If you can't laugh at yourself, well then you are just letting everyone else have all the fun!
To answer your question on the effects, it's a two stage process:
Whitewash: Basecoat of MM enamel Schwarzgrau sprayed on by AB and glosscoated, decals applied. With that base glosscoat, I applied about a 30-70 mixture of MMP White and ordinary water. This mixes up as a thin milky liquid that is brush applied all over the model. When it dries, it leaves behind varying thicknesses of the whitewash look. Once dried, I followed along with a sable brush and carefully removed the whitewash from the edges and surfaces where I wanted the streaked effect to be. Once satisfied, this was sealed with Testors Dullcoat in the rattlecan as the MMP powder is very easily rubbed off if not sealed.
Mud Effect: I took MM enamel Dark Earth and thinned it down in a little mixing tray to about 80% thinner and used a sable brush to apply it over the dullcoat lacquer in varying degrees where I wanted the mud effect to show. For the upper hull streaks this was done as a drybrush technique just enough to discolor the white and provide streaking. Since the MMP was sealed in previously, it did not wash off with the mud being applied and allowed both to be tied together in the finished appearance.
HTH.