In a nutshell, handbrushing Vallejo Model Air is an exercise in futility.
Adding retarder probably isn't helping, it may be making things worse.
I've had some success leaving a drop dry on my pallet for some time, then trying, but that only works for itsy-bitsy jobs and tiny touch-ups.
I looked for USAF Grey in Model Color, which you may have already discovered handbrushes like a dream, but I didn't find it. If it doesn't exist exactly, the Model Color line has more shades of grey than any other I've seen. You may be able to find something close enough without having to mix the color.