How to build Plastic Ship Models Booklet - UPDATE

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left
arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on
either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to
cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop
pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and Swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill
away.=20

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left
arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and
push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth
shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between
knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing
wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's
throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and
set to one side for gluing later

8)Cool Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on
at with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of
drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down
drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's
forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on
neck - leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick
pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot,
drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for
date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to
disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new
one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the @#&*&$ cat from
tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed
into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from
foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little @#*&*$'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find
heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth
followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head
vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm, and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1) Wrap it in bacon