Yes, Ships is the place for you. I've a fair amount of information that I can share, and there are actual experts over there.
One thing- While it's probably true that there are/were 175 "different" Fletchers, they start as two basic types. The earlier ones were the so called "round bridge", which is what the Tamiya kit is. The later ones were the so-called "square bridge", to which group Wadleigh belongs and those are represented by the Turmpeter kit. In the best of both worlds you get both kits and combine the best of each to get a really superior project.
Is the idea to model Wadleigh at any particular time, for instance did he serve on her and when. I'm going to guess it was post WW2, so that narrows down some options.
This informs your paint choices. I wouldn't bother with trying to mix Tamiya colors. There are a number of really good acrylic paint sets made that don't require mixing and come complete with the three or four colors you need. Remember, Tamiya is selling the very first ship of the class in warpaint, but that may not be what he remembers. I'm going to guess his Wadleigh was a version of light gray verticals and dark gray decks, specific paints are not at all difficult to find.
Take a look at this site, it will be of general interest to you.
http://www.navsource.org/archives/05/689.htm
Thank you both for your service, and see you in Ships!
Bill