The Empty Nest Lament

We lost a dog last week and I'm feeling it. We do have another one though. My wife is home alone with that one most days and she can't drive because of MD.

I've finally broken through the barrier to Lyft and Uber so she can go into town or over to church to do stuff during the day.

I work all day in the office, so when I get home I like peace and quiet.

Bill

I know exactly how you feel. Both of my sons are away in college and the house is ear-splitting quiet.  I was home all through September for medical reasons so it was just my little dog (Zeusy) and I until my wife came home in the evenings.  However, Zeusy could carry on her part of the conversation so I never felt alone. Then Zeusy died on the 23rd and the silence became stifling.  Everywhere I look in the house are good memories of times past that will never happen again.  I never thought I could miss a dog as much as I miss this one. 

My wife is working late tonight so I'll be going home to a silent house and I'm not looking forward to it.  

I got married while based at Little Rock AFB when I was 25.  About 6 months later While on patrol I was dispatched to the base lake with another patrol to check out a call from base housing near the base lake that there was a large group of people gathered at the far side of the lake where people would camp.  It turned out they were aircraft mechanics who were having a after work get together.  I ended up meeting my future wife in the group and eventually we got married by the time I was 26.  We had one kid and soon I was re-assigned to Okinawa and she followed 6 months later.  A couple assignments later She was medically retired and I was sent back to the states, ending up outside Orlando and looking for a job with no idea how to do it.

Now my kid is married with three of his own.  He's a car mechanic (I never got along well with machines) and lives aboiut a mile from us.  The house is quieter and I get more time to build and sometimes get to the range for some target practice.  Our cats can keep me busysometimes and there have been times when I get into my recliner I have company from three or four of the biggest ones who just love attention.  Then someof the others move in.

I have been a loner growing up, thanks to my older brothers and I stayed that way for a long time, until I met my wife.  I actually like the semi quiet and sometimes I think it would be nice if he had moved just a little farther away, say Texas.

Our daughter left home when she married her husband who was in the Air Force. He was then posted to Darwin, which if I remenber correctly was a four hour flight. Boy did we miss her. He was then posted to Pearce AFB in Westen Australia, even further away. It was nearly seven years before he was posted back to our home state. Bloody hard on my wife. The son left home at 16 and had a lot of problems with drugs, nearly killed Jill. All is now good, Steve is a refrigeration mechanic with 3 children and Emma is a Chartered Public Account with 2 children and during school holidays our beachside home becomes noisy and chaotic, and whilst it's wonderful at the time, it's great to see them go home.

For those of you who have a dependant child with a disability, my heart goes out to you. I have a good mate in this position and I am aware of the stress and fear it causes him and his wife.

Thank you everyone for your stories and great advice! Such a great group of folks in this forum.

Boy BrandonK, did your posting hit close to home!  Retired from teaching in June of 2020 and taught virtually from home since March to June.  Me, my wife, and three kids all stayed home together during the initial lockdown.  When the school year started in Sept. of 2020 my wife went back to her classroom, only to be sent home to teach virtually from Oct. to Feb..  My daughter, 22 years old along with her twin brother, finished her last year of college from home.  Her 16 year old brother stayed at home and did virtual learning too.  My 22 year old son(twin #1) is developmentally disabled and lives at home with us.  Now as the school year is getting closer, my wife is getting ready to go back to her classroom, my daughter got a job that she loves, plans to live at home for a yeare to earn money for graduate school, my 16 year old is finally getting ready to start his junior year of high school(first two years pretty much completed at home)and I'm staying at home to care for my oldest son.  I know that everyone is living at home yet, but I can see the future where two of my kids are moved out.  My wife and I, like you and your wife, worry about our oldest son and how he will be cared for after we are gone.  Modelers, enjoy that precious time that you have with your children when you can, because sadly it goes by so quickly.

Time does rush by when you're rasing kids. My youngest (20) took a few weeks to spend with some friends out of state and the time at home was surreal, kinda empty for me, my helper was away. Kinda hit harder than I thought it would. But, he is home now and will be for at least a few more years as rent here is stupid high and almost impossible for families let alone young adults just starting out. He understands that living on his own in this day and age is not gonna happen till he gets work that pays really well. Someday he will get on his feet and we won't see him much and that will make my work around here more challenging. I truly appreciate having him around.

My oldest (29 in Dec.) is developmentally disabled and will remain living with us until we can no longer care for him. So, no empty nesters here. But it scares the wife and I dearly to think of someone else careing for him. Will he be happy and well cared for? Truly keeps me awake at night. Barring any major issues I should have another 35-40 years to do it, but you just don't know. Getting older has more challenges than most people believe until you start to face them head on. So yeah, seeing the kids move on is not something we want to see for ourselves, but we really want to see for them to have a full and happy life where they carry themselves.

BK

keavdog

AND my daughter is due any day now so I'll be starting the grandpa chapter soon.

Bill

I hear you.  I have 3: my daughter is the oldest and twin boys.  So we went from 3 to 0 in 2 years.  My kids and I did everything together: RC stuff, fishing, boating, skiing  etc.  All great memories.  The left for college and never returned - currently in San Antonio, TX and Fort Collins, CO.  That was 10 years ago so pretty acclimated to the new life AND my daughter is due any day now so I'll be starting the grandpa chapter soon.

My daughter(26) moved out about 3 years ago just before we moved from CT to FL. She followed us to FL but got her own apartment here. Her fiance followed her here and they bought a house. 1.5 miles from mine.  My son(22) still lives at home but is finishing up college locally. He is a homebody. Its nice knowing that I have no worries about where he is. 

I've raised six kids, but my youngest (8 years younger than the next youngest) has been akin to an only child since his older brother went to college in 2015. And this last child just began his senior year in high school.

One more year and we are official empty nesters.

Except for four cats and two dogs.

Never had any kids, but have gone from a bustling house to a lonely place with a roof, twice in seven years.

I can understand what you're having happen, at least you've got family around.  Stay in close contact with them.

The dog and cat here were spoiled before and it's getting worse.

Mopar,

As I read your post tears ran down my cheeks. You post was just so sad and full of emotions. We don't have kids so I can't relate to what you are going through. I can only say that I hope that time will makes things better. My only recommendation is to give your kids a call.

It's not to be underestimated. It represents a big change. Mine went to Community College and lived at home for a couple of years. Then she moved out to University. I missed her, but was in pretty regular contact for one reason or another. Then she moved home for a couple of years while she worked. Eventually she moved out for good. So it sort of was an easier transition.

We sold our house at the same time and moved to another more rural area and live in our other house.

I love the kid but was not at all sorry to see her move on.

It stays pretty involved ever though it's just you in the house.

Makes Thanksgiving and Christmas more special as well.

Bill