Hi Rich,
For cleaning prior to priming/painting, all you really need is a gentle wash in warm water with a little dishwashing liquid. Some people will spray down a model with Windex or wipe it down with isopropyl or denatirured alcohol, or use one of those purpose-made "plastic prep" solutions - often it comes down to personal preference.
Is priming really necessary? Again, that's often a matter of personal preference. As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been primarily using Tamiya acrylics and don't really feel the need to prime first, but that's just me.
However, not all acrylics are created equal. for example, ModelMaster acrylics seem to be notorious for adhesion issues and require both a spotless surface and a primer coat for best results. Vallejo paints seem to use a milder solvent (I believe it's an alkali based solven, ie. not alcohol basedt) and has lower adhesion on bare styrene..
When to prime/paint? Generally, it's better to assemble as much as you can before painting. Look at the assembly sequence and identify sub-assemblies made up of multiple parts which are to be painted a uniform colour. The only real exception is where access to a part after assembly will restrict your ability to paint it. Some people do prime parts before assembly, but as you noted, cleaning up attachment points and filling seams will require re-priming (and thus more paint). Priming before assembly may also result in paint being deposited on mating surfaces to be glued, Thsi will weaken the bond, as paint and glue don't mix (well, they do mix, but you end up with something somewhat more than paint, but less than glue).
In addition to giving your top colours a good base to adhere to, priming also helps show up any flaws/gaps/lumps in seams and joints which may require attention. I would only sand the primer if it revealed any flaws requiring attention, otherwise just paint straight over the top.