You're welcome!
Lacquer thinners are blends of various solvents, generally of fast evaporating types. Toluene and xylene are slower movers. You can also try adding a small amount of mineral spirits as a cosolvent, probably on the order of 1/8 of your total reducer (thinner) volume (a few drops in your paint cup or bottle.) Too much and your coat will run.
As for the retarder, you might find it at a craft or artist's supply store, but your best bet is a store that caters to professional painters. Make sure you don't get an acrylic retarder!
Bill's description of gloss vs. flat and the effect on color is essentially correct. However, the darkening effect also occurs with a properly applied flat, it's just less noticeable. Also, applying a flat over the gloss will not completely lighten the color to its original apparent shade,
especially if the paint's surface texture was exceptionally rough from being applied too dry.