Before I get into this, I want to say that there was a time when I had the mindset to build for competition. Without going into the whys and hows, I no longer think that way. I build to please myself and place a model on the table at a show to do just that... show it.
If only one person gets a kick out of seeing it, then I figure my job is finished. I don't build for judges or to impress anyone other than myself. Heck, I've got higher standards than most so that's enough of a bill to fill...
Anyhoo, I've got some random thoughts on some general model show dos and dont's...
Upon arrival at a show, never let your excitement and emotions override your reason and thought process, lest you lock your keys in the car while it's still running. Especially when you've just spent four or more hours on the road...
Whilst travelling either to or from a show, NEVER set out to investigate the effects that high-speed transit over badly maintained railroad tracks will have on the built-ups in the trunk. Especially if you're in a Maui Blue '92 Sunbird or Maroon Lumina with snow-shovel scars on the hood and trunk lid...
Never decide on a whim to make a 90° right-hand turn from the far left lane on a one-way street with built-ups or other living beings in the vehicle...
When someone in the vehicle says to the driver 'stop here', they usually don't mean RIGHT here RIGHT now...
(This one is for new, relatively inexperienced or otherwise less-capable drivers) Before venturing out to a show on your own for the first time, make sure that you learn the dos and don'ts of parking lot navigation beforehand...
If you are a dealer, NEVER do 'the right thing' and turn down an idot a dipshi... lunatic misinformed soul who offers you ten times more than a kit's value... perceived or otherwise...
Never play a game of football IN a parking lot at a show during winter, especially when the temperature is low enough to alter the physical properties of the pigskin...
When attending a mall show, always make sure that your club name badge is prominantly displayed while going to get lunch at the food court; this can sometimes confuse the help at Arby's, making them think that you are an employee at the mall, thus scoring yourself a discount on your meal...
If you happen to go out to lunch and wind up at a fast-food joint which has the employees screened behind solid glass that looks like it'll stand up to a GAU-8, reverse course and depart the scarfing establishment IMMEDIATELY...
NEVER order the following beverage at the Slaughter Hog Burger King across from the show...
Half Coke, half Sprite, no ice. This will confuse the hell outta the genius behind the counter and keep him/her/it staring at that dang keypad for eons because there's most likely not a picture of that particular beverage anywhere on said keypad...
If you are in the club that is running the show, make sure that the money box is not left unattended on the floor near a doorway which is very close to an exit from the building... for more than an hour...
If you are in the club that is running the show, make sure that you walk around surrounding yourself with a self-important god-like aura and make sure that others know 'who's running the show', 'in charge' or otherwise in a position to exert their grand authority. You make LOTS of friends by doing this... (this one isn't supposed to be funny folks)
Always check your six (and the rest of the clock for that matter) before making rude comments about a model, lest the builder be lurking about in your general vicinity...
Never go around with a tube of superglue, sabatoging models with unsightly glue marks in order to gain an advantage or to exact revenge or just because your'e an ass. This is a good way to ensure that a missing person report gets filed by your spouse or other family member... (this one ain't funny either... far from it...)
You usually won't need sunglasses IN the showroom, if you catch my drift. So remember, all those folks with little model-geek penlights may look stupid and may be annoying, but they use those things for a reason...
If you have to sneeze at a show, always direct it AWAY from the models on the table... especially while judging...
If taking part in the judging, try to prevent the 'BEST UNITED STATES AIR FORCE AIRCRAFT' award from going to a Dutch Air Force F-16...
(This only applies when in Albany, NY) Upon hitting the road for the return trip, make sure you gas up at Abdul's Petrol Palace where the gas is cheap and the Arabic lessons are free...
Don't start a foodfight in a Pizza Hut during dinner after the show...
On late-night return trips from Regionals in Pittsburgh at, say... 3AM, while stopping for survival juice at Arby's, don't try to scare the first guy who makes it back to the car by using the remote start... it usually works and can lead to a nasty accident involving a steaming-hot beverage...
While on the previously mentioned late-night return trips from Regionals in Pittsburgh at, say... 3AM, another way to stay awake besides survival juice is to put on an impromptu concert for your fellow freeway flyers by cranking the tunes (preferably 'Radar Gun' by the Bottlerockets and Metallica's cover of 'Tuesday's Gone') and practicing a little air drumming on the steering wheel and air guitar with the seatbelt... all under a maplight light-show...
NEVER travel with a guy who plays three FREAKIN' hours of bagpipe music on the way to or from a show...
Since we're mostly guys here... a good way to pick up the waitress at dinner after the show is to ask for half Coke half Sprite but to make sure that the Sprite is on the bottom 'cuz that's the way you like it best... well, you may just get a funny look...
If you're leaving a model show in Cleveland and wanna go to dinner and see a reenactment of the 'ole Saturday Night Live Italian Restaurant skit... drop me a line and I can recommend just the right place...
I'll see if I can think of more 'True Action Modeling Adventures'...
Fade to Black...