Gamera
Did Bakster get hauled off by apes?
Bakster here. I am communicating from Ape Planet. Here is what happened:
Shorty after my last post I found myself in a room surrounded by apes. I was very quickly strong armed by several gorillas, thrown into a chair, and secured. Amongst the gorillas is Zaius, a few other orangutans, as well as Zira and Cornelius.
Zaius explains that I was brought there via technology found in the Forbidden Zone. He babbles on about transcripts they found on my Icarus build. They are not happy with our mocking attitude of apes. Second to that, they are bent on changing Earth history. The cement heads have figured out how to abscond people from the past, but—they have not figured out how to send apes to our time. That’s the other reason they brought me here; they want my help. Idiots.
They interrogated me for several hours. General Ursus handled the greater part of my torture. What a dolt. Ursus strutted around with his goofy looking headwear, whilst forcing peeled bananas into my face. Like this is an extreme torture to me. Maybe he thought that I was hungry. I will tell you what torture is—the stench that he carried with him. It is skunk on skunk. It took all my concentration to keep from ralphing. My convulsions caused extreme pleasure to Ursus. In his mind—the banana torture is working. In truth—it was his dead animal breath.
During all of this, I see Cornelius pacing back and forth firing off glaring looks. I think that he is afraid of what I might say. Zira, she sat there looking quite upset that a human specimen is being tortured. It was quite the scene, man.
The apes didn’t garner any useful information from me. So, I was released to the recognizance of Zira and Cornelius. But—not before they threatened me with more interrogations to follow.
I was taken to a cage and sprayed down with a hose. I can assure you that I was quite clean prior to this. Except for perhaps some spittle from Ursus. It’s all part of their game.
Later—Cornelius snuck me out to a downed Icarus. The hull is peppered with holes. Cornelius said that their indigenous human mutes did it out of fear. I think that the greater truth is that the apes did it, or, they forced the humans to do it. The Interior is gutted as well. Oddly—the radio was untouched. I tried it. A female voice sounded back and she sounds human. I will add, she sounds like quite the babe.
She replied, “this is the USS Starship Enterprise. Please relay your message.” I explained my situation and that I am stranded on Ape Planet.
She must have left the mic on because I heard the following:
Uhura: Mr Spock! I have a message from a man stranded on Ape Planet. He is asking for immediate assistance.
Spock: Negative Lieutenant. We are unable to assist. Have him contact Starfleet for assistance.
Bones: Spock! You insensitive, half human, green blooded …
Spock: Dr Mccoy. How long must I put up with your childish outbursts? We have our orders. It is illogical that we respond when Starfleet has ships much closer to Apes Planet than the Enterprise is. LT Uhura—relay the message.
Bones: You pig headed … half…
Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I lost their signal. This radio is intermittent, and I was unable to regain contact. With some luck I was able to regain a signal long enough to send you this message. My plan is to escape and head to the Forbidden Zone. Maybe I can find some technology that will assist me in getting home. Perhaps... I can find the time machine that the apes are tinkering with. Before my signal drops… tell Timmy that Nova is with me. I did not have to glue anything to gain her company. The stupid apes forgot to lock the cell.
Transmission Complete.