Forget that we are all forum members.
Forget that we are all modelers.
What we are is human.
At some point or another we all suffer the loss of a loved one. Greif is grief. We all suffer through it the best we can.It may be a year, it may be for a lifetime, we all mourn our loss differently. I'm a blathering idiot every time I lose a cat! Dont know how i would react to losing my mother.
The thing is you DO NOT have to apologize to me or anyone else for having a need to talk through it. Please feel free to talk about this to anyone you feel comfortable talking to. It will help.
I dont put a religious spin on death.... its just a door to whatever comes next. Maybe we come back as a bug.... maybe we travel to a different world that we are in charge of who knows? But from the discription you gave of your mother Im sure she is somewhere telling people where they can sit at the table. She was a driving force in your life and your memorys of her will continue to guide you in your life choices. WWMD.
I'd go on but you dont know me (and my weird sense of humor ) that well so I will close by saying I'm sorry for your loss and if I can help plese contact me.