No, Sir - no one here thinks that you're a dweeb for posting your thoughts and feelings. That IS what this forum is for - to express other things that are not about modeling. Last year I lost my last living grandmother and grandparent. I also lost my Weepy Baby kitten that died one day shy of being four months old. I was practically bashed for it by the staff, and admonished by a couple other members because they thought that I was posting too much about it, and that I should get professional help. I was in BAD SHAPE! I almost died as I let this go and go for so long, but I NEEDED to grieve as this was the only way to get over her death as much as I could. I needed someone that understood me without judgement - not a headshrinker! I left the forums for a while so that I could grieve without making everyone else miserable. However, as I recovered it was a long journey doing so as I ADORED, and WORSHIPPED that tiny kitten as she didn't really grow since she had health problems that none of us knew about at the time. She was my baby, and I've had all kinds of pets, but she was special! The vet thought she wouldn't live, but she did for a couple more months since that time. Unfortunately she died any way. This was from neurological problems that weren't too evident just looking at her.
I have NEVER felt that kind of grief even after my other grandma died, my cousin on my fathers' side died at 43 (same age I am now) in 2011, and then my aunt on my moms' side died in 2014. Then my cousin (her son) died in 2015, and shortly afterwards, my moms' Yorkie (JoJo) died about a month in between. Now it's 2016 - almost a year later, and my moms' mother dies, then Weepy, then my uncle in October of last year, then my best friends' cousin that I grew up with commited suicide almost a week after that!! I call 2016 the year of death. I can't tell you what you're feeling, or the loss as my mother is still living, but barely hanging on as her health deteriorates more and more all the time.
They say that time heals all wounds - that's not true! I still hurt when I think about poor Weepy Baby, and JoJo (I found him dead) as well as others that have gone before me. I wasn't so hurt when my grandma died as I knew that we were standing next to her when she went, and that she is in Heaven now. Without being preachy I don't know what your faith is, but know that God has a reason for every one dying the way that they do when it's their time. I only hope that you can find solace somewhere, somehow! I found mine in the Holy Bible. Time doesn't heal wounds - this is something that only LOVE can do! Enjoy your memories, and hold on to them dearly! We're here to help whenever you need us. Don't be afraid to reach out for someone to listen.
~ Cobra Chris