For the many, many (many) out there who may ever have had cause to question my sanity...let us take 'a visit to the psychiatrist.'
[BTW I'm NOT crazy: my mother had me tested.]
[BTBTW -- they're not (all) his jokes...but these work really well if you imagine Rodney Dangerfield's voice, while reading.
]
*I told my psychiatrist I thought I was a pair of curtains.
He told me to pull myself together....
*But seriously, my psychiatrist gave me a Rorschach test. I said, "Who is this Rorschach guy...and why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?"
*When I started therapy, I asked the psychiatrist "So, how does this work? Do I just lie on the couch?”
The psychiatrist answered, “Actually, it works much better if you tell the truth.”
*To whoever stole my antidepressant pills...I hope you're happy now.
*I told my psychiatrist that I think I can see into the future.
He asked, “When did this start?”
I replied, “Next Tuesday.”
*I went to see my psychiatrist and told him that “No one understands me.”
He said, “What do you mean by that?”
*I told my psychiatrist that I was dreaming I was a deck of cards.
He said it’s something we should deal with.
*My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues.
I’ll show him.
*A psychiatrist once diagnosed me as a kleptomaniac.
I said, “Doctor...is there anything I can take for it?”
*A psychiatrist’s secretary walked into his study and said, “There’s a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. He claims he’s invisible.”
The psychiatrist responded, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
And for those of you who were afraid this would never end...there's light
at the end of the tunnel:
*How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes ONE...but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change....
Please pay the receptionist on your way out....