What do you call a fish with two knees? A twoknee fish.
Reportedly a true story, if not it's still a good one. Two policemen on patrol in a department cruiser at night, at a red light waiting to proceed straight ahead when the light turns green for them. The street they'll be crossing is a one way, from their left to right.
As the light turns green they look in the direction of the traffic to their left, ensuring all cars are stopped at the red light, then they pull ahead to cross the street. After just a few feet a drunk driver going the wrong way, plows right into the passenger door of the cruiser and the guys can't get out, with the drunks car pinning the door closed.
So they both scramble out the drivers door, running around the back to get to the drunks window. Now the crash is about 15 seconds old. The drunk looks out of his window and sees the uniforms and badges, unsteadedly he says, "dang, you guys sure got here quick."
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk.
The Queen is hosting an African King. As they leave the palace in a horse drawn royal coach, one of the horses lets loose an explosive _art. The Queen is of course mortified, saying "Oh, your Highness, I'm so sorry." The King says, "Oh, I thought it was the horse."
Patrick