Hi guys, in the spirit of Christmas, and of Ho-229 building, I penned a poem for ya's...borrowed heavily from Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Enjoy and keep up the good work!
........
Every modeler on the FSM forums liked Modeling a lot
But the Jeff who lurked on the forums did not!
The Jeff hated modeling, hated it through every season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that he was wound up too tight.
It could be that his kits never turned out just right.
But, I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his wife kept the budget $229 too small.
But, whatever the reason, his budget or his skill
He sat there on Christmas eve, feeling ill.
Staring at his screen with a sour, Jeffy frown
At the warm glow of the forums, with his mouse he scrolled down.
For he knew every member of the forum community
Would soon be opening kits from beneath their Christmas tree.
"And they're drinking egg nog", he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Jeff fingers nervously drumming,
"I must find some way to keep the kits from coming!
For, tomorrow, I know all the forum gals and guys
Will wake bright and early, they'll rush for their prize.
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And they'll start their compressors and airbrushes,
Their Dremels and drills.
They'll realize they need aftermarket parts,
And they'll start spending their bills.
Then the members, young and old, will sit down when they have time,
And they'll work, and they'll work on the rare Ho-229.
They'll work on a Tiger, that great armored beast,
Expensive, well engineered kits I can't stand in the least!
And then they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every member of the forums, the tall and the small,
They'll post pictures of their latest creation,
And respond to each other with polite exuberation!
And they'll write, and they'll write! And they'll write, write, write!
And the more the Jeff thought of this forum that night,
The more the Jeff thought, "I must put up a fight".
Why for 53 years I've put up with it now!
I must stop the models from coming! But how?"
Then he got an idea! An aweful idea!
The Jeff got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Jeff laughed in his throat.
"I'll make a quick Field Marshal hat and coat."
And he chuckled, and clucked, "This plan is just fine!"
With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Manstein!"
"All I need is a driver." The Jeff looked around.
But since friends were scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Jeff? Hah! The Jeff simply said,
"If I can't find a driver, I'll make one instead!"
So he took his wife's cat Jax, and he took some black thread,
And he tied a choffeurs hat on the top of his head.
Then he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks
On a ramshackle Kublewaggen he whistled for Jax.
Then the Jeff said "Raus, Schnell" and the car started down,
Toward the homes where forum members could be found.
All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there.
All the forum members were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one" the old Jeffy Marshal hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight squeeze.
But if Von Manstein could do it, Jeff could with ease.
He got stuck only once, for a second or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
There, the forum member stocking all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he jeffed, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unfit,
He took every model, he took every kit!
Mustangs, Migs, Marders, and Hellcats,
Panthers, Panzers, Zuihos, and Wildcats.
He stuffed them in bags. Then the Jeff, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney.
Then he slunk to the work bench, he took the armored beast!
He took the Tomcat, the expensive kit he liked the least!
He cleaned out the tool box and paint storage bin!
Why, that Jeff even took the last bottle of Tamiya X-7!
Then he stuffed all the items up the chimney with glee.
"Now," smiled the Jeff, "I will stuff up the flying wing!"
As the Jeff took the Horton, as he started to shove,
He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small forum member,
Little Vance Crozier, his post count was higher than the Jeff could
remember.
He stared at the Jeff and said, "Von Manstein, why,
Why, Mein Herr, are you taking my flying wing, why?"
But you know, that old Jeff was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why my sweet little Moho" the fake Marshal lied,
"There are injection pin moldings you can see on this side.
So I'm taking it home to my workbench, my dear.
I'll fix it up there, then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the modeler, then he patted his head.
And he got him a Molson and he sent him to bed.
And when Vance Crozier was in bed with his brew,
He put the Horton up the chimney, on to house number 2!
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
And the last thing he took was the roll of copper wire.
He left only on tiny drop of glue,
but it was too little, even for 1/72.
Then he did the same thing to the other members' stash.
Leaving nothing to put together, not even enough to kit bash.
It was a quarter of dawn, all the formum members still sleepin'.
All the modelers still a-snooze, when he packed up his 'waggen.
Packed it up with their models, their glue and their fruils,
Their paint and their subscriptions, their resin and their tools!
A thousand miles he drove to a great mountain summit,
He rode with his load, to the top to dump it!
"Pooh Pooh on the forum!" he was jeffily humming.
"They're finding out now that no models are coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then the members of the forum will all cry boo-ho!
They'll go online and have nothing to say,
No smilies, or comments, or critiques come their way!
Now that is something," sneered the Jeff, "I simply must see!"
He logged onto the forum to see what would be.
And he saw some activity coming from the website.
It started as one thread, but soon grew in might.
But these threads were not sad!
Why, these threads all sounded glad!
Every member of the forum, the tall and the small,
Were still conversing happily, without any models at all!
He hadn't stopped modeling from happening! It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Jeff, with his jeff feet, ice cold on the tile,
thought, "How could this be? I must think for a while."
It came without tanks, or planes, it came without ships!
It came without tools, or paints, or Finescale modeling tips!
He puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore.
Then the jeff thought of something he hadn't before.
Maybe the hobby, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe the hobby, perhaps, means a little bit more!
And what happened then? Well, on the forums they say
That the Jeff's small budget grew infinitely that day!
And then the true meaning of modeling came through,
And the Jeff found the strength of several Jeffs, plus two.
And now that he wasn't wound up so tight,
He whizzed with his 'waggen through the bright morning light.
With a smile from his soul, he descended from afar
Cheerily blowing, beep beep, from the horn on his car.
He road into the town, he brought back their things.
He brought back their models, and their flying wings.
He brought back their kits, their glue and their fruils,
Their paint and their subscriptions, their resin and their tools.
He brought every thing back, even the armored beast!
And he, he himself, brought back the expensive kit he liked the least!
Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer,
Cheer to all modelers, far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to grasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we.
Welcome Christmas while we stand
and build our Ho-229's hand in hand!